Hmmm not much else to really talk about today. I'm going to be spending most of the day working on my scenario and taking it easy. Trying not to stress out and all. :) I didn't go to the interview yesterday after having a serious talk with my Dad who pointed out that I would end up making the same mistake I did with Mandatory.
The thing is, when you're in your teens or studying at Uni, any job will do. You just need to have a regular income. But I'm 31 and I need to be thinking about my future and happiness. I need to have a job that pays me what I'm worth, and that when I show up for work, I actually want to be showing up. So I will keep hunting until the job that pays what I want to be paid shows up. How I will survive in the meantime remains to be seen - but I will survive somehow.
It is a strange thing to be in this place in my life - where I'm hoping to make that change from young adult into full adult. Yet something in me is dissatisfied with the way the world is. Or, more accurately, with the way Humanity has decided to define the world. I know all the logical arguments that people make about money, limited resources etc... but I keep thinking - if resources are so limited, why are there so many more cars in car yards for sale than being driven? Why do restaurants, supermarkets and fast food joints have food that goes off and has to be thrown away? Why, when for the last ten years we've been told that there are hardly any fossil fuels left, is petrol still being used? Are we waiting for the resources to run out before we do something about it?
Well yeah. Because it makes better economic sense apparently.
Which is the flaw with humanity - we place so much importance on money, we forget what the world is actually about. Life. Happiness. Discovery.
Now I'm not saying that life is a disney channel affair - but it is something that is to be experienced and revelled in. I have that on pretty good authority - no, I'm not giving away any sources - that this is what life is about. Not death, not cash, not even the promise of paradise afterwards.
Think about it. If you are meant to spend your physical life in temperance and seclusion. If you aren't supposed to make mistakes and live without doing anything that could make you a "sinner" then how will you be prepared for paradise? What do you think that place would be like?
You enter a realm of purity, but totally unprepared for anything that exists there.
I'm with Nietzsche on this one, it is a waste of your life to be waiting for the next one. The ancients never wasted their lives waiting for the afterlife - most of them revelled in experiencing the world. Even the pre-christians.
But we have tied ourselves up with the wrong ideas. Society is a mess, and worst still - nobody cares. Sure everyone asks "could life be better" but most people take the position of "I'm not happy, but I'll pretend to be content."
Yet you can see it in their eyes... something is missing. What humanity needs is a good slap upside the head and get their act together. It's not about Allah, it's not about YHVH, it's not about any of that.
We are meant to figure out the universe. That's what free will and sentience is all about. But not so that we can control the universe... oh no. Simply so that we can appreciate it for what it is. I see it like this - the universe is a three-dimensional artwork that the artist/s have made. Now we wander this maze of expressionism, but the purpose is so that eventually we will see the entire work and say "wow. So that is what it's all about."
Or maybe not. I always felt that the universe was created for the creator to live in and share. I don't believe that there is a God who sits outside the Universe watching it - because that serves no purpose. What's the point of creating a universe if it isn't even going to be used for long?
People hide behind the claim that we cannot know the workings of a god's mind. I say... bollocks. We are meant to be made in the image of God. We are meant to be granted Free Will. We have the drive to create. We are like God. Sure, we don't make universes - but then we're not gods ourselves. But we can understand a god's purpose.
But to do that, we need to be open to learning the big picture. What it's all about.
However we waste our time chasing money and depleting resources. We spend our time worrying about land and whose god is bigger.
That's not a good use of time. That's a waste. We are in a holding pattern of existence.
So some people don't care what the purpose is. Why should they force that on to those who do? Just as those who care about the purpose of the universe shouldn't force their desires onto the people who don't care.
I still believe there is a system that could balance that out fairly for everyone. Sure it wont be perfect - that's free will and humanity for you - but I do think that it is time to seriously find out what the point of it all is.
Because what if it ended up that there was a time limit to all this. Then we have wasted an awful lot of precious time on things that might not actually matter two jots. Or worse, we could have wasted time on something that will end up getting us into trouble...
Love and Huggles
Conan
Currently Reading: American Gods by Neil Gaiman
Mood: Contemplative
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