Then that led me to thinking about how we define words. So I thought that rather than get huffy, I should think about why that word had been chosen and try to understand the context it may have been in. Which led me to think about my old communications course which pointed out an interesting model that explained a lot about why such situations arise.
See, the biggest problem that people have with communication - and this sort of plays into the thoughts Mash had earlier about honesty - is they assume that everyone is thinking like they are.
But a normal exchange tends to go something like this:
Thought -> Filters through brain's definitions of language based on various experiences and interpretations -> spoken -> travels through the air and interacts with any barriers (i.e. noise, walls, telephoneline) -> enters ear and sound travels to the brain -> brain filters information based on individual's definitions of language based on various experiences and interpretations -> information received -> thought.
The thing that this shows is that from the intention or thought that initiates the communication, it travels through several filters and redefinings that alter the thought sometimes into something wildly different than intended. This is why it is important when receiving information, to confirm it. And why if you are giving information, it is important to be as clear and direct as possible.
So I realised that this was likely going to be the case here too.
Which lead me to thinking about honesty again and what Mash had said earlier about how honesty is not really what we look for from friends. Now this I find interesting, because I both agree and disagree. You can tell the truth without being a wanker - but it is reliant on both people agreeing that the truth is better than a nice lie.
But at the same time, Mash is right. Friends don't want to ruin their friendships, so they will tell white lies to avoid hurting each others feelings. Which creates a bit of a catch 22 situation.
I like to think that I'm honest. I prefer to avoid saying something rather than lie if I can help it. But I know that I am just as prone as anyone else to lying.
The thing is, if I think the truth helps, I sometimes say things bluntly. Yes, I try to soften the blow - and I remember a friend getting pissed off at me for softening the blow before I said the harsh truth. But if he could see that I was softening the blow, I ask myself, why did he decide to think I was out to offend him? Isn't it a friend's job to soften the blow before saying the honest truth?
I know being told negative things hurts. Hey, the Nohari thing has really hurt me in some areas. But I also know that I did choose to ask - and I have to take those lumps and think about whether I agree with my friends or not. Then, try to do something about it.
I'd rather have that truth than pretend to think that I had no flaws.
Anyway, looking over my Johari window- I do a pretty good job of making up for my flaws it seems. :) So I have things to consider.
Which brings me back to definition. See, a majority of people defined me as "Caring" where as I chose "Loving."
Talking with Fraser and Mash, they thought of loving as relating to being in a relationship - something I have never been in nor that they have seen me in. I thought of loving as, well, just loving people in general and having a loving nature. Caring I felt was a little more impersonal.
It's all about how we define our words. Something that I constantly try to remind myself - especially when I manage to get myself in one of my infamous "debates." :)
So what is the point of today's post? Well, firstly, I want to thank everyone who did the Johari/Nohari windows. I appreciate your honesty. :) I may not agree with everything, but it gives me something to think about.
Secondly, I want to try and impart to you all the importance of thinking about how your own assumptions and definitions effect your communication and relationships. It's a lesson I still am learning, and it is an important one that I think we can all benefit from.
On a lighter note, apparently my personal DNA suggest that I'm a
Benevolent Creator.
Love and Huggles
Conan
Currently Reading: A Game of Thrones
Currently Playing: Fireborn - Rememberance; Unknown Armies - To Go; Mage: The Awakening - Threshold
Mood: Feeling thoughtful
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