It's wet and wild outside, which makes me glad to be in here. I optimistically checked out an online connection site (come on, it really isn't about dating despite what they say...) and was a little disheartened to see how many people seem to set unrealistic goals for relationships.
See, I believe that when you're looking for someone, you should be open to possibility. I try to put the minimum of requirements - not obese, not bitchy - but leave most of the details open. I want to actually meet someone.
But a lot of people seem to make shopping lists of traits. Must be successful, tall, driven, funny, genuine, gym-going, blue-eyed, have a house, got dogs...
This kind of thing is counter-productive, I feel. The more you list, the less prospects you have to choose from.
Love isn't mechanical like that. And relationships take time. You need to build them up, and often they come when you least expect them. I was in a relationship that I didn't even realise was one until after it was over. Worst of all, it ended because Steve realised it *was* a relationship and that I didn't meet his shopping list of requirements.
That's the problem. I keep thinking of this show I once watched which was about women having trouble finding men in the modern age. They went on dates - and one couple really showed a spark and clearly were liking each other. When he was interviewed, the guy said he was keen to see her again and liked her. She was interviewed and said she liked him and he was sexy, but he didn't have a life plan, so it wouldn't work out.
I was shocked. She listed a number of traits she wanted in a man and then bemoaned that she was going to be single forever- yet there was a man right there that she liked, hit it off with and was happy with.And she didn't like him for purely mechanical reasons. Emotionally she admitted that she really hit it off with him. Then she topped it all off with "he probably wouldn't want to go out with me again anyway."
What the hell?!
Why is it that people moan on about love all the time and then let such "practical" things get in the way. To be blunt - love isn't practical. That's kind of the whole point. It's an emotional thing that provides a whole number of intangibles, being pragmatic about it is a sure fire way of taking yourself out of the runnings.
It's meant to be a risky venture - if it was easy and simple we would never have to stress about it. I could walk into a room go "that's the person I love" we'd walk out and everything would be happy. On rare occassions that does happen - but scientific studies have shown that more often, love takes about a year to develop.
I know with Alex that was about right.
So where does that leave you? Well you need to take chances, you need to go out with people and if you like them spend time with them. Learn all about them before you commit yourself - but don't rule them out at the same time. Give your emotions time to respond.
Otherwise you'll always end up alone.
Of course, I often have a hard time following my own advice. :D
Love and Huggles
Conan
Currently Reading: Statistics Assignment
Currently Playing: Fireborn - Rememberance; Unknown Armies - To Go; Mage: The Awakening - Threshold
Mood: Still on the whole wanting to be in love kick...
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