I'm beginning to realise that I'm not interested in being at University right now. I want to be moving on with my career as a writer - which means that I'm slowly making progress out of this damnable block. More ideas have been coming to me and I occasionally note things down, plan out sketches... it's looking like a month or more will see me actually tackling a full on book properly.
Plans continue with my little project - some bad news nearly frightened me into thinking that this was another dream failed at the start, but I'm thinking of alternative routes if we end up in the situation I don't want to be in. So everything is looking to still be firmly on track.
This weekend I got to hang out with Lex and his furry friends - it was a cool and relaxing eveing, with a fun session of watching season 4 Red Vs Blue. Soooo funny. :D
Gilmore girls is still giving me the warm fuzzies. YAY!
But I'm finding it really hard to care about University. I've tackled an assignment today and I realise... I don't care. I'm going to be giving it another shot later this afternoon, letting myself calm down a bit. But maybe it is for the best for me to face up to the fact that I went into Psych with a very different goal than I thought I had.
Damn I sound so flighty.
I hate that.
The thing is... I realise that I don't want an office job. I don't want to work behind a desk looking over statistics and writing up long reports. I want to be running my own business. Talking about games and how much I enjoy them. Trying to give people an opportunity to stop taking life so seriously.
I think that is why I get into a lot of these arguments on RPGnet - maybe I feel that people get too fixated on technicalities. Or they forget that it is a game and not something beyond that.
In a way it's like religion. I'm all for experiencing a mind-expanding vision or feeling the touch of the divine. But I want to feel that as a part of my life, not make it my life. Does that make sense to you guys?
To use the roleplaying analogy - I don't roleplay to become immersed in a character, or to challenge the way I think. I roleplay for the fun of it. If I do experience some sort of mind-expanding event in the course of the game, then I love that. Because it came naturally and wasn't forced by myself or the GM. But it isn't my reason for playing. Because for every awesome immersive experience I've had, there have been lots that weren't. So I want to get my fun from the gaming experience itself - from the crazy stories, or the witty banter...
Religion is kind of the same thing to me. I'm happier having belief and when the divine touches my life, I appreciate it and move on with living.
I've been seeing the hands of the Moirai in my life at the moment. Things just seem to be leaving big obvious signs of potential direction.
So maybe I'm not as apathetic as I thought I would be. Maybe I need to just take a little time out to think...
Love and Huggles
Conan
Currently Reading:Shadowrun 43
Currently Playing: Unknown Armies - To Go;Exalted
Mood:Contemplative
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