See, one of the guiding drives in my mind is the problem with modern society. I keep trying to think about how you would go about improving the world. A lot of people keep wishing for world peace and happiness, all that fluffiness. We often desire a better world than the one we live in - but I have come to realise that while there is this noble ideal, not many people have a particularly clear vision in their heads of what this ideal world would really look like.
For me it is a problem that takes a fair bit of my subconscious processing capacity. Yes. Really. There is a "part" of my unconscious that I essentially tasked with working out a solution at about the age of six or seven. When most other kids were trying to figure out tying shoelaces, I was already in the process of seeking a better future. Obviously back then it was a lot more childish - essentially driven by the conflicts between my parents, dead goldfish and the usual kind of oddities of youth.
I remember distinctly being taught religion and then spending much of my youth berating God and the Devil for doing such a sloppy job of the world. I'm not kidding. When I was ten I used to get quite cross when I thought about children starving and how many of the people I knew personally who were unhappy. So I started trying to think about what the perfect world could be like.
Every so often I check in on my subconscious to see how it is developing - at least once a day - to see what progress has been made. Obviously, not a heck of a lot.
When I was younger I created a fantasy world in my mind called Lagunia. (Isn't it funny how kids always seem to name their fantasy kingdoms with the suffix -ia...) Anyway, Lagunia was a mixture of Narnia, Buck Rogers, Flash Gordon, Middle Earth and quasi-greek mythology. (My father was big on reading me ancient greek myths when I was child. He had a passion for fantasy. The bible was probably the least read book in our house, even though my mother was a practicising catholic.)
In Lagunia, people all just seemed to have gotten with the program and for the most part lived happily together in a kind of sci-fantasy world. (That apparently could move its entire solar system around the galaxy. I was a kid, okay?)
Most of Lagunia's conflicts involved natural disasters. Like the time a spaceport ended up catching fire, blazing Inferno style, and rescue teams had to step in to save the day. However there was a religious sector as well - until, for some reason, religion was eschewed for science (I think. I remember that in this fantasy world all the idols of the gods of Lagunia were thrown on a rubbish pile, because the gods hadn't shown up for decades. Then the creator of Lagunia returned to gently remind the people that there was more to the universe.)
But there was one main threat to Lagunia. A corrupt race that travelled in spaceships (I think inspired by the Cylons from BSG...) who were sent by the darkness in the universe to corrupt and dominate all things.
Even in my imaginary Eden, a serpent crawled.
So what am I getting at?
Well, it seems to me that Lagunia did teach me one thing - for a world to be perfect, humanity needs to be in harmony both with themselves and the world around them. Not necessarily a perfect harmony, but a mature one. In Lagunia I had seen the world as much more accepting of difference.
I think one of the biggest issues that faces the world - particularly multicultralism - is that we don't actually accept difference. Cultures are used to create difference not out of harmony, but out of a desire to be distinguished from everyone else. To stand apart. We use culture and ethnicity as a sheild to protect us from getting to close to each other. In Lagunia it was already accepted that we were all different, but that we also were a part of something greater.
Now Lagunia was a childish dream - it lacked the nuance of reality. But to a young boy whose world wasn't matching up to the way people said it should, it seemed more real than his own life, in some ways. Nowadays, I can look back and admire the complexity and maturity hidden with that world. The underlying message it was sending.
Every culture has something to offer humanity as a whole. That is the first step to harmony. Knowing that everything has something to show the other cultures. Most cultures are trying to learn this truism. They are open enough to learn what can be gained from accumulated knowledge.
Pride in your heritage should not equal a refusal to change your cultural views.
Yet there are still problems. How do you show that individuality will not be lost if we become Humans first and our cultural identities second? What about religion? Religious culture is in some ways worse than ethnic culture. Cultures based on nationality can be negotiated with - but religion doesn't look just at one nation, it tries to describe the entire universe and its meaning. As much as it would be easy to say "religion should be abandoned" - it simply isn't that easy. Nor is religion something that can be treated as a speedbump to harmony.
So as you can see, I think a lot about these things. I haven't even scratched the surface of the daily debate that rages in the far recesses of my subconscious mind. Fear not everyone, I'm not some psycho who is going to flip-out one day. Everyone compartimentalises parts of their thinking into their subconscious. Most of us just don't realise it. It has been through years of self development and study of various meditative philosophies that has allowed me to be aware of this process. I am simply conscious of my self and how it is operating at any given moment. Not a perfect taoist or self-actualised understanding, but enough to be able to say with no arrogance that I do know my feelings, thoughts and why they are there. But I digress...
Tonight I started to think about what happens after life. See, I'm thinking that this idealised and harmonised future world is a difficult one to achieve. It also seems that it could even possibly be impossible.
So today's thought process led to thinking about death and what comes after. What if this life, this existence is meant to be the way it is so that in the next life we actually value harmony. It seems a reasonable assertion, when you think about it in those terms. If there is an afterlife, I used to wonder how inefficient this world seemed to be. But if it is a learning ground, a place to truly learn the value of a harmonious life - then the buddhists and taoists are on to something. Religion in general, though maybe not wholly accurate about the true mechanism, is in the right. Regardless of the path you take, you can still gain enlightenment - so to speak.
But then, I wonder, it still seems wasteful. To think that our existence now is just some Star Trek holodeck process to prepare us for the real world seems kind of a wanky way of doing things. Why not just learn in the real world?
But then, why die?
This seems to eventually lead back to the argument that we should be trying to harmonise in this lifetime anyway. After all, what if there is no afterlife? What if our inner spark does reincarnate? Do you want to be reincarnating into a shitty existence forever?
Which brings me to another interesting little debate I dealt with in my early teens - reincarnation. When I first learnt of it, I was strongly opposed to the idea. My sporadic bible school lessons (and one devout Irish Catholic grandmother) had ingrained the idea of an afterlife into my subconscious. But the more I thought about it, the more rational and efficient the process seems.
Remarkably, I find the idea of there being no existence beyond death as a remarkably inefficient waste of energy and remarkably silly. We have consciousness for a reason. The idea to think abstractly seems more like a form of development training. Which would imply that the more creative we get, the more we think, the stronger our internal spark would get. Like exercise. It's all a bit reaching, I know, but it seems to strike something with my intuition - which I have learned to trust on many an occassion.
I know, I know, this is an odd rambling here. What am I getting at? What is the point of all this thought?
Well I know why I'm doing it. Let's just leave it at that. OOooooh I'm getting so Gandalf the Grey here. :D
I'm not claiming to have some inside track on the way the universe works. I'm simply sharing some of the thought exercises I have been doing regarding existence. My personal belief? Well, my subconscious came to much the same conclusion as Nietzsche regarding much of the universe - I have no way of knowing factually the truth of the metaphysical. Not at this juncture anyway. I have decided to leave some of that line of inquiry open until more information is available. For some of it, I have allowed myself faith in the universe. It has guided me well thus far. Despite the bad things that happen, I have been cushioned from the worst by a combination of my own efforts, those of friends and family, and a heck of a lot of unusual coincidence.
So for me, it is indisputable that there is some pattern to everything. Maybe that is the true secret. That we should focus on understanding the pattern. If we could see how the universe is being laid out, we can then change it. I have a very taoist viewpoint in that respect, most of my life is about focusing on what is happening right now. I'm no expert, though. :)
Anyway, if you have made it this far I'm impressed. Some people have mentioned that when they see my long posts they think I'm ranting and just ignore it. Trust me, this isn't a rant - it is a stream of consciousness. I have laid open some very personal thoughts here today. Some that I am often a bit shy to share. So I thank any of you who have read this far and feel that you can understand some of what I'm saying. I don't expect you to agree with me. I don't expect you to fully understand what I am saying. I have left a lot of gaps where things I have been thinking have been left out. That's because it is hard to articulate them, due to the feelings involved. :)
I hope I haven't bored you silly. And I hope this sparks some decent discussion. :)
Love and Huggles
Conan
Currently Reading: The Reality Dysfunction
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion
Mood:Being thoughtful and philosophical - if somewhat obtuse and confusing in parts.
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