What to do...

Mum, in her infinite wisdom, arranged for someone to call me and have a chat with me about what's been happening and help me plan some strategies. The problem was I was told that this would happen between 6-7pm last night.

Panda_Pitt, who was hanging out with me at the time can attest that the only call I got was around 8:10 when Mum rang to tell me that her friend had called and gotten my answerphone. Weird. So she got all pouty when I pointed out that I was going to Stephanie's flatwarming, because I hadn't received a call in the time period agreed upon. *sigh*

Which was not really a good idea... because it ended up ADDING to my stress - not helping clear it up, which had been the point of the exercise. So now I am even more stressed, Mum is acting as if I don't want her help and I'm really finding this whole situation basically getting worse.

I have had increasing anxiety dreams, and I'm frustrated because I need to make a decision and my emotional state is not really conducive to making rational decisions. On top of all that, I'm stressing about the fact that despite plenty of notice, work is telling me that I can't have the weekend off for Megaroleplaying - which was part of the build-up to this current juncture. Their reason, I'm a duty manager. Which is a handy excuse for them - seeing as my contract doesn't list me as a manager and I'm not actually paid duty manager wages.

Basically, I'm duty manager when it suits and when they don't want to make any decisions or committments. >:(

It's not quite as bad as when I was at M, but it is getting there very quickly. Everybody at work is on edge and I'm finding it really hard to just not care.

Believe it or not, there are other things happening as well that I'm not talking about - needless to say that this isn't just about work. The thing is, I always feel that work should be a place to get away from personal pressures - something that isn't necessarily fun, but is able to be kept a little seperate. The problem is that there is so much negative energy and pressure at work, it's not helping, and carrying that much pressure is simply not healthy. So something has to give NOW. I'm getting physical manifestations of my stress now, which means something has to be done soon before I have something really bad happen.

Worst of all, each day I find I wind myself up more...

I wonder if this is going to lead to some sort of nervous breakdown. *sigh*

I'll see how things go today. I'm going to try and skip the staff meeting tonight - I can't really face being there at the moment.

Conan

Currently Reading: The Reality Dysfunction
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion
Mood: Still under a lot of stress