So I have another movie date with another straight guy this week. It's kind of getting a bit disheartening that the only people I know are virtually all straight. Or lesbians.
I've given up on the internet dating thing - after about six years I have yet to meet anyone who is interested in me at the same time I am interested in them.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not really depressed about this. Just kind of tired of it all.
I could go to a club - but they tend to be full of sleazy types, or people who are totally appearance focused, and I'm not feeling at my sexiest at the moment. I'm pretty down on gay culture. It seems kind of... well... teh lame. :D
No wonder people say "that's so gay" when they mean something is uncool. :D
But I digress. I've been spending a lot of time hanging out with Emile and panda_pitt and while I really enjoy their company, I'm kind of at that point where I would like to be dating someone now rather than just hanging out with my straight friends all the time.
Admittedly, I haven't done a lot to mingle with the "scene" here in Welly, but the few encounters I have had really haven't done anything to make me keen to keep up with it.
But there is another side to all of this...
Maybe I really have gotten to the point of no return. There was an old saying that once you hit 30, the prospects dry up. It seems so true - most of the guys my age seem only interested in twinks and young guys. Now, I have no problems with dating younger guys, but I still believe that if you are expecting someone 6-8 years younger than you to go out with you, it should follow that you ought to at least be willing to date people your own age and a bit older. Sure, nobody wants to date their dad - but I'm frustrated with the 30-35 set who seem to think that they can only have relationships with guys younger than 27.
Me? I just want to meet someone that I make a connection with, be he 18 or 38. Realistically, though, I'd prefer to meet someone a little closer to my age.
Then I wonder if I could have a serious relationship with a guy... it seems to me that those kind of relationships are very very rare. Maybe I am better off just being on my own. So many people I know seem to perceive me in that kind of a light - Conan as an entity is rarely seen by people as someone in a relationship.
I challenge those of you who know me well to try and picture the sort of person (male or female) that you could imagine me settling down with. Having any trouble there?
I know who that person would be, in my mind. They don't have a lot in the way of physical features - but I know the personality. Those are the people I get attracted to most. The people who show aspects of that personality.
Anyway - the point of this post... what is there left for me to do? I have effectively placed myself in a position where I will not meet someone. I suspect that, in a way, I have told myself that it is just too much trouble. After almost fifteen years of socialising, and having still not been in an actual relationship with anyone and having had my heart broken three times now - I am letting the world know. I give in. I get it now. I'm not meant to be with anyone. Uncle. Eventually you have to admit when you can't defeat the facts. There are some of us who just don't get to experience true love.
I'm not really depressed. I think resigned is a better word...
Conan
Currently Reading: nothing at the moment
Currently Playing: The Grand Experiment; Exalted; World of Darkness: The University Club
Mood: Resigned to his lot in life?
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