So I've been thinking about love again. Yeah, yeah, that's like saying I woke up this morning - okay, Conan is obessessed with the idea of love, let's move on. :D
Basically I was thinking about it the other day and remembered reading in the newspaper once about "limerence." Now I'm not an expert on this little pseudo-psychological term, so I did a little investigating:
(The concept of limerence stems from the research of Dorothy Tennov...)
A review of Tennov's book
So essentially, the theory goes that limerence is an intense emotional feeling for someone, but it kind of doesn't matter who the limerant object is - and the emotional feeling moves from person to person.
I have kind of wondered if my feelings for some people was a case of limerence. However I'm not sure I buy into the theory enough. The impression I get is that limerence is very hard to distinguish from love, and it seems that the core requirement involves reciprocation. Because Tennov argues that if the limerant object reciprocates, then the limerence feeling will likely "transform" into love.
So why is it different from simply having unrequited love?
The impression I get is that limerence is temporary. It fades with time for one person and shifts on to a new person.
Which I think we all have experienced at some point or another. (I remember a friend, Phil, who I felt that for. Of course the more I got to know Phil, the more I totally got over that feeling. :D)
But then I remember how there are three particular cases where the people involved could show up tomorrow and I would still feel the same for them as I did when I first realised I was in love. Yep, I have fallen in love three times in my life. I know it is love because even now I feel love for them. Of course I still wouldn't want to be in relationships with some of them now...
Firstly, one of these guys is my Archnemesis - who I haven't seen in about six years or so now. But I do think about him from time to time.
The second guy, Steve, I still keep in touch with from time to time. But I know now that we really would struggle in a relationship. We're just not compatible enough - we have a lot in common, but I think where we don't share interests is where there would be issues. I still think about it from time to time though. Steve is a really sweet guy.
Finally, there is Alex. No need to go into that can of worms again. :) Needless to say, if we really could work together, it would have likely happened by now.
So here I am thinking about love and limerence. Why?
Because I'm me. While most people have spent their lives thinking about careers and money, I've always felt that love is the most important thing. I want to find someone who loves me. Or who wants to at least be open to the possibility that we could fall in love. I enjoy feeling wanted, and I love to help people when I can.
The problem is that currently the list of prospective partners is woefully short.
Now for the bit that will squick some people out - Conan talks about sex. :D
See, this has been the other thing that has been bugging me recently.
Sex is always a confusing issue for me. Namely because it is kind of not the done things to talk about it openly, and yet I often feel that it should be able to be talked about a bit more. After all, it is only sex. Yet I have to admit that I always feel kind of embarrassed talking about it.
Worst of all because I have found myself wondering if I really would be willing to have sex with someone I had been dating. See, I like kissing and hugging (although the last time I had any kind of a snog was so long ago they hadn't even had an election in NZ yet...) but sex is kind of, well, that's the problem.
See I think about it, and certainly don't hate it. Hell, I'll just say I'm not bad at it or anything. But...
I really want to be kissing more. Honestly, I have been obessessing about kissing a lot recently. It's what I miss most of all.
Not to mention that the only people I have kissed I have not really had strong feeling for - just an attraction that was borne from loneliness.
Hmmm... that kind of makes me sound slutty. Time to point out that I tend to have this two-year cycle. I rarely hook up with people. I can count the number of people on one hand, folks.
So for those of you still hanging around... the upshot of all this thinking is that I am feeling the need for companionship. Not sexual, but emotional. I want someone who is interesting and shares some interests - but also has something about them that is unique and we can share.
Someone who can share jokes with me, someone who can hang out with Henley and I without feeling a little left out of the loop, someone who I can share some of my more introspective thoughts that I don't put on this blog...
Yeah yeah, I want a Hollywood romance movie out of my life. Sue me. :D
It's just been on my mind a lot recently. I have no illusions that it will be easy. Relationships never are. There are very few guarantees in this world.
But love is something so vital to the human condition, yet we often neglect it most. To the point that some of us look for ways to deny its existence rather than face that feeling we have.
I've yet to be loved in return. Heck, I'm yet to have a real relationship. I think it's well past the time I was with someone. Yeah, I know I make it difficult by only wanting to date someone I genuinely want to date rather than just anyone. :)
I'm not depressed... just... melancholy maybe? :)
I'm definitely not going to be taking the position of being a loner for the rest of my life.
Um...
I'm not really sure what else I want to say now. :) This line of thought has really just streamed out. I think it's time for me to go to work. :D
Love and Huggles
Conan
P.s. I'll try to not be so emo next post. :D BTW check out Hope is Emo, it's pretty funny. :D
Currently Reading: The Reality Dysfunction
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion
Mood: Feeling pretty good at the moment
No comments:
Post a Comment