Before I ruminate on 100 posts of Stream of Consciousness, I would like to give an update about events - after all, that was what inspired me to post.
The test went better than planned. My self-doubt and anxiety washed away when I saw the first question and realised I knew the answer. I'd like to say I aced it, but I know of at least two answers I got wrong, but I am confident that I will pass it and get a better mark than I did in Developmental Psych. Which also means that I am aware that if I focus, I will do well still.
One Hundred Posts of Stream of Consciousness
Wow. I have been a regular poster on this blog, haven't I?
Stream of Consciousness began as a response to the now defunct About Town blog. While I was flatting in Tutanekai, my politically minded flatmates started up a reasonably regular blog that eschewed their liberal views about New Zealand and the world in general along with discussions on events in their own lives.
Inspired to be a part of this growing global phenomenon, and slightly egged on by Tristan, I started Stream of Consiousness without a clear idea of what it would be about. The blog's name is taken from an old column I used to write for The Gaming Outpost where I waffled on about various gaming issues. Not a lot remains of my articles there, but my rant about minority representation in roleplaying is still floating around on their site.
Initially I steered away from discussing too much about my feelings, I didn't really want SoC to become a whinge blog where I constantly bemoaned my problems. Then, for a brief period I moved over to my friend's Nik's site to try and give his site a bit more material.
Eventually, while I was looking at buying the Playground, SoC came back online. Not long after all this a lot of heavy issues began to weigh on me, and so SoC changed to reflect that.
Then I left it for a while.
Upon moving to Wellington and moving into Hataitai, I was particularly interested one evening in the prevalence of blogs amongst the Wellington crowd and so found myself writing on SoC again.
Again, as stresses mounted, SoC changed to reflect that. It has become a kind of dumping ground for my thoughts and feelings - as evidenced by today.
But it is also, I feel, a way for me to communicate the kind of information that I have had trouble expressing in real life. The benefit of just streaming out my thoughts and feelings manages, in a way, to free me of them.
So Stream of Consciousness is both autobiographical and therapeutic at the same time.
Where to now? Well I wish I could say it will be wittier, snazzier and faster. But I suspect that SoC will remain somewhat up and down in its tone.
The future is yet to be written, and I'm still battling to regain my optimism. I think it will be a successful campaign, but there is so much to heal and fix following my departure from Auckland. I remain confident though that I will find my way - and that through SoC you will be able to be there with me, and maybe in seeing my journey you might find something to help you on your own...
Nietzsche once said that you should live your life as if it were an epic novel. The point being that to be truly satisfied with your life, give it meaning. I hope to live up to those words.
Love and Huggles
Conan
Currently Reading: Nothing! YAY!
Currently Playing: Fireborn - Rememberance; Unknown Armies - To Go; Mage: The Awakening - Threshold
Mood: Feeling much better...
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