When I arrived, I was somewhat surprised by his appearance. Not quite what I had thought it would be. Overall, he was much like a number of guys I've dated - nice but a little too... well it's hard to place the right word on it, but basically his worldview and mine probably don't match. We meet on some ideas, but on the fundamentals we're in two different places entirely.
I talked WAY too much - but he seemed to not mind. He commented that my thought processes were a bit overwhelming. It seems that he felt I would talk about a number of ideas all at the same time - manage to link them altogether and show it as a whole concept - but it would be so big that he had to take a bit of time to catch up.
I've never really been told that before. I do think in big picture terms - often looking at how the whole picture works to get an understanding of how certain elements work together to make it, but sometimes this is a flaw because I find it harder to show people the way to that big picture.
It's like looking at a painting, being able to comment on the style, the images, the paint and such but not being able to really explain the first stroke that began it all.
I also found myself constantly repeating stock statements.
Merv was a nice and perceptive guy, but he wasn't placed in the same point I was. It's hard to explain. I'm looking for someone who is able to either see the big picture, or who doesn't mind my strange form of conversation but rather is able to engage with me in some other way.
I think Merv spent too much time trying to engage with me on the same level I was operating on - but because we thought in two totally different ways, it was proving a challenge. That is probably a lot to do with the kind of person he is - he's very much into understanding people and getting into their heads. It seems he found mine just a bit overwhelming. (Hmmmm does make me feel a bit full of myself saying that, but I'm repeating what he basically said.)
We just wouldn't really gel in the long term. It's either understand me or accept that my thinking is just different and instead develop something new between the two of us.
I'm open to that kind of thing, and I guess I was really wanting Merv to say "that's cool, now just take a deep breath and then shut up. I can't follow that all, but I really like you."
Richard did that with me, and it worked. He figured out that to get me interested he needed to do something and not be passive. His solution, especially when all these other people kept talking to me was to kiss me in the middle of a sentence while talking to him. It really got my attention. :)
Not that such a ploy would always work with me - but it is an example of how I want someone who is going to be able to either keep up or change the rules to get me on an equal basis with them.
It's not that I like forceful people, I like people who actually will take a stand and do something. Shane talked to me about anime and roleplaying. A real outgoing or mischevious personality is bound to get my interest - or a mysterious person.
Heck, all sorts. But Merv lacked any real hook that caught my interest. :(
So I remain single, wondering if I'm a real high-maintenence guy. I don't think so, in an actual relationship I'd be pretty easy to please - just a hug and a kiss is all I need.
But finding the right kind of person. That's tough. It reminds me of Shane's ex Ian. I've told this story before - Ian wanted to figure out what kind of person would suit me. After talking to me, he couldn't figure out what my "type" was, because it seemed to be very broad and open. But at a big park day he got me to keep pointing out the people I found attractive, and he still couldn't pick a type. I seemed to go for all sorts of strange people. Then he said he suddenly had figured it out. He pointed to someone and said "there. That one, right?"
I looked and nodded. Then he pointed at another. "That guy?"
Yep.
Then again. Shane then said that seeing as Ian had figured it out, what was my type. At which point Ian almost burst into tears and said "I can't explain it. It's just this thing about them. I don't know what it is."
That pretty much sums up the problem. I know it when I see it, but it isn't something that is easily explained.
So I remain single. Here's to the next date... whenever that is. :)
Love and Huggles
Conan
Currently Reading: Mage: the Awakening
Currently Playing: Unknown Armies - To Go; Mage: The Awakening - Threshold
Mood: Still at peace with the universe.
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