Friday, January 05, 2007

Musing away at loss

Firstly, I want to say to Giffy and Eric, I hope you have a great day today! They are getting married today, so here's to a wonderful future.

Now to muse on a few recent developments. Stephanie and I had a bit of a falling out over the recent posts as it has been taken by some as a personal attack.

I had felt that I had been lied to, and even though my posts did not name anyone and were addressed to focus on how I was feeling about the whole saga, it ended up that I had jumped to a conclusion.

So apologise to Stephanie for that.

I hadn't really felt that it was important enough for me to chase her down to discuss - I had been willing to wait until the next time I had a chance to talk to her.

Now it has been escalated to a big deal when it hasn't been for a long time.

What gets me is that while I have been dealing with my feelings, I have been moving on. There is a lot that I don't tell you folks because I prefer to wait for the outcome.

I do not write about people here as an attack on them. I write to show my perspective of events and to give people a better idea of where I currently am in the hopes that they can understand where I'm coming from.

Stephanie, Astra and those others who seem to think that I'm some obsessed stalker-type have chosen to perceive me in such a way that all they see is vindictive vitiriol in the things I say.

Yes, I am angry at you people for the way you have treated me. And yes, I do think you have been immature.

But I do not use this forum to make attacks. I use it to discuss my thoughts. It's a stream of consciousness - taking points out of my posts rather than reading the whole thing is not the way to approach it. It literally is the case of downloading thoughts and getting them out of my system so that I can come to rational conclusions.

For example, the post over New Years helped me deal with my pain over finding out that Alex had chosen to just stop having any contact with me and to take a step back and wait until I could talk to Stephanie about my concerns.

I was considering stopping this blog and just disappearing. But I've decided not to. I'm not going to be bullied.

I want to just let loose a few things that have pissed me off. But I realise I will only be escalating things. So let's just leave it there.

I know the truth - because I was present at certain events that none of you were. I know what was said and what was done. I am also more honest about those events than any of you give me credit for.

If Alex has an issue, he can call me himself - if he has the guts. Or he can post on this blog and be ready to defend himself. Otherwise, this is OVER.

Conan

Currently Reading: Looking for Jake
Currently Playing: Exalted: Nexus of the Sun
Mood: Angry at being misrepresented, unapologetic for being honest

2 comments:

Stephanie said...

Hi Conan,

Er, this is a general statement that I am not the Stephanie being referred to in this post. All is sweetness and light from this quarter...

Conan said...

And HUGS to you too Steph! :) I should have been a bit clearer about the Stephanie I was talking about. GAH! :D But then again, all involved know who it is.

Conan