Without a doubt this has been a horrible, horrible year emotionally. I have been stressed almost constantly since I moved down here and haven't been able to equalise.
I have made a lot of friends, started up a business and managed to keep myself employed for the majority of the year - so it isn't all bad. :)
But yesterday I had a real down turn. The business has been very difficult to keep running. I'm realising that Dad was a bit unrealistic about the process involved and I needed to have more capital at the outset.
What this has meant is that I'm constantly playing catch-up with the business - not with the boardgames, but with roleplaying.
I order in stock and it just sits there. I know that if I had more exposure nation-wide it would be moving, as I order in conservative quantities. The problem is that I can't afford to set up things to really handle that. Advertising, Credit Card facilities - these all cost money I simply don't have and it appears most people don't like the more secure direct debit system.
Add to that the regular stress of having a small window of time each day to work on the site (due to not being able to access the net before 8am and after 10:30pm at home) it is becoming more frustrating now.
Then there is, of course, the problem with dealing with an Auckland based printer who seems to have no idea how vital it is for me to have product delivered on time.
*sigh*
The thing is that I keep coming back to the same theme as always - I still feel like I'm completely alone in this. I know people have offered to help - but what can I get them to do?
I can't keep asking to borrow money - that's going to kill the business, not save it. I can't afford to be in more debt - I already owe enough with this business and I will probably be unable to pay that back anytime soon.
It all feels out of control. And it feels that I'm not being taken seriously.
I am alone. I have always been alone. I wish I could find someone. I wish I didn't feel like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
Whatever happened to the happy-go-lucky me?
He's in there - just having a hard time relaxing.
On the bright side, I have set up a new deal on the site and hopefully that will generate more business.
I just wish I could figure out how to afford advertising at the moment. If every person on NZRAG were to order one product a month, I would be fine. But most of them don't actually buy games, it seems. Or are interested in things other than what I can currently get in. Sure, I'd stock Indie games - but they are hideously expensive to import and, to be blunt, the Indie craze is dying down. It has about six months left before it goes back to its normal sales levels.
In the meantime, there are a number of readily available third-party and mainstream games that people are ignoring.
I would get in more titles - but the current ones (which the market states are the better investments for sales) are not moving. If people aren't buying roleplaying stock from me now, why should I be investing any further in less reliable titles?
I am tired of hearing "oh, I'll probably get that later." Or worse, I have had "I'll order that from you" and then later when I've either got the product in or I'm about to order it I was then told "oh I'm going to shop/site X because I also ordered from them at the same time and I feel obliged/want to support them."
That makes me feel that I'm not considered a serious venture. If I was getting regular sales, it would be fine. But it is still too sporadic.
If it keeps up, I'm going to have to raise prices and pray that I still make enough sales - or close up shop.
I'm already considering charging shipping now - if more people were ordering it could pay for itself. But nobody wants to order, it seems.
Right now, I really want to swear my head off.
So what to do. What to do.
I'm going to try and calm down. A lot of the problems lie in how badly I've handled the business accounts wise - I'm sure. I'm trying to get on top of it. I'm trying to get on top of life, really.
Conan
Currently Reading: Nothing
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion
Mood: Just not that flash at the moment.
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