Review Time: The War on Terror

To quote Monty Python "and now for something completely different..."

Long time readers of this blog may be surprised to see me doing a review of the War on Terror - but with the recent developments in the US regarding Iraq and US torture, I'm inclined to give a brief look over things as a warm up to discussion.

Prior to 9/11 I remember having a conversation with my friend James S. In that conversation I mentioned that America's cultural attitude was going too far and was going to have bad repurcussions. James was adamant that no-one would be stupid enough to attack America. I pointed out that if someone was pissed off enough, they'd find a way.

The thing is, we all believed America to be an unstoppable force. When the planes struck the world trade centre it took a while for people to even accept that it was a deliberate act.

So where has this led us? I also told James that when Bush was put into power that there would be a war in our time. This was a no-brainer. Prior to becoming president, Bush had a reputation as being a warmonger - he was an old-school republican who like to rattle the sabre in favour of US.

The resulting war on terror has been an ill conceived, mishandled, clumsy and foolish errand. It is easy to blame the Bush administration for how it handled things, but the reality (I feel) lies deeper. It lies in the US culture where America refuses to understand that they are not the only people in the world.

It lies in how the terrorists live in equally blind cultures that feel that they are the exceptions to the rule that everyone is equal.

I agree with many analysts who have said that since the War of Terror began, the world has become less safe. There once was a time when thinking about going on a trip overseas was something we readily planned - now even going to the US is considered risky.

We are scared. We know we are dealing with people who have absolutely no respect for life because they have bought into an idea that something is "greater."

But how can we hope to overcome the horror that fanatics bring to our doorstep when the people supposedly defending us are being equally fanatic. The Coalition may not be using acts of terror, but they are using acts of blind violence. They hold PoWs without making any effort to figure out who is innocent and who is guilty.

This war did not need to happen. There were other options - but instead terrorism has become an excuse for people to pursue political agendas for obscure gains.

I fear that this lifetime may bring worse things to us. What is the solution?

Love and Huggles

Conan

Currently Reading: Exalted 2e
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion, The Secret of Zir'An
Mood: Wondering about the future...
(Thoughtful Menchi)

Review Time: Lost Season 2

Well I'm about half-way through Lost Season 2 now and I hav to admit - it's pretty fricking awesome. The creators have created a wonderful distraction regarding the Island in the form of the Others.

A majority of the season is about establishing boundaries, from what I can tell. The Island's "rules" are being explored - what it can and can't do, what is kind of going on... in the process, there have been some odd inconsistencies - or hints that the whole DHARMA link is not what it seems.

On one level it seems to be shaping up into a battle between the Good and Evil within all of us - with many of the characters becoming nastier and less likeable as they are forced into doing things that they wouldn't have done before. The gilligan's island type tone of the survivors is beginning to buckle against the greed and desperation of some of the group.

This is quite cool.

I still want to find out what the HELL is going on, and while it is fun to speculate - I certainly wouldn't want season three to be more of the same. Season two is doing a good job of moving the story along and dropping a great number of hints about what is happening. But I'm not buying the whole "it's not supernatural" theme that some people are thinking. There are too many coincidences and moments in the character's flashbacks that say to me that something much deeper is at play here.

But it certainly is fun getting there. :)

Love and Huggles

Conan

Currently Reading: Exalted 2e
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion, The Secret of Zir'An
Mood: Feeling pretty darned good!

Broken Hearts, Hope and Thought

I've been trying to think about what I want to discuss at the moment. See, I recently saw "The Broken Hearts Club" which was a curious film for a number of reasons. First of all was the number of high-profile heterosexual hollywood actors playing gay men in it. The second being how it accurately portrayed the rather banal condition of gay life, but in a humourous way.

Essentially it is the proto Will & Grace. Except that the men in Broken Hearts actually have active love lives shown to us. It was unusual to see Dean Cain macking on the cute guy from 10 Things I Hate About You. Hot, but weird at the same time.

Still TBHC got me thinking about how it is so true that media supports some strange stereotypes about gay life. According to television and film, most gay people are promiscuous and ticking time bombs who will inevitably get AIDS. Either that, or they are notoriously asexual camp people who are constantly droll.

Now that's not to say that there aren't gay men out there like that - but it is such a false representation of what it means to be gay.

Most gay guys I have met are a bit more boring than that. In a good way. :)

While there are a number of gay men out there who obsess about sex - even when they say they don't - there are also guys who just rather watch DVDs or hang out with mates.

Where is all this going? Well it meant that I was feeling better about being single. Seeing a film that didn't obsess on the negatives of being gay - the whole "I can't find love and a friend is gay and I will end up alone because being gay is SOOOO HARD..." genre of gay movie really pisses me off.

Yes, gay men are more likely to suffer heart-break - that's because there are very few role models to follow regarding dating and relationships. Someone recently pointed out to me how amusing it was to see people saying "Looking for someone my age or younger..." when you consider it - if you want someone 10 years younger than you to date you, you better be ready to date someone 10 years older. It's only fair. :)

This used to piss me off - that guys my age or a bit older than me would only go out with 18-25 year olds. I mean, sure, I like me some young guys too. But I've met some hot 35 year olds, and a couple of good looking 40 years olds. (OMG, it really hits home how old I am when I'm thinking "40 is an okay age..." :D )

Seriously though - the film convinced me that there is still hope of finding love.

I have to dash now - but I just wanted to say - love is not lost. It is still out there for us all. HUGS!

Love and Huggles

Conan

Currently Reading: Nothing right now...
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion, The Secret of Zir'An
Mood: Feeling happy and good.

Review Time: Lost Season 1

So I've finally started watching Lost again. I missed parts of the first season and never really got to see the second - so it has been pretty cool catching up with the series.

Initially I had felt that Lost was getting made up as the creators went along with the script. It just had too much happening and came across as a bit too ambitious. But upon watching through again, it really is a series that rewards repeat viewing.

Having said that, I still can't shake the feeling that the creators don't really know what is happening on the Island. Of course I'll need to see the second season to see if anything more is revealed. Henley, my brother, mentions that by the end of the second season you have a pretty solid idea of what is actually happening on the island. We'll have to wait and see...

Thematically, Lost is very clever. There are often clever little tie-ins between characters and their flashbacks, and you do need to be watching closely all the time to catch every little detail. I love that about the show. Just seeing how people crossover - even through the subtler links. (For example I just finished watching the episode "Numbers" where Hurley is revealed to be the owner of the company John Locke worked for. It is simply a throw away line between him and his accountant.)

The constant challenge of Luck versus Fate makes an interesting theme to explore, with the multiple serendipitous relationships hinting at some greater plan in action between the characters.

My only concern is that if everything happens in the series for a reason, certain events come across as somewhat harsh. It will be very intriguing to find out the truth of the series. I do feel that Lost has about one season left before it becomes simply too frustrating.

Hurley: I'm happy to be along for the ride, but now I want some frigging answers!

The problem with a mystery is that eventually you have to reveal it. The 4400 is a series that understands this and manages to keep some secrets while revealing the Big Question early, and in the process making another Big Question. (Now that we know who took the Abductees and why they were taken, what happens next? What is the big catastrophe? Can those who took them be trusted to be telling the truth?)

In Lost it feels as though the creators are playing things too closely to their chests. Multiple red-herrings, fake-outs and building mystery ends up overwhelming the viewer to the point of asking "who gives a shit?"

I nearly got to that point by the end of the first season which ended on a cliff-hanger that revealed absolutely frigging nothing. Instead I just had more questions.

Reports on the third season suggest that viewers agree with me - viewing ratings have dropped. I'm a season behind, so hopefully 2 will provide some answers to the big questions, and show that the series is moving forwards rather than circling around like a big tease.

Five seasons, the planned arc of the creators, strikes me as a bit too ambitious. Unless they pull finger and start really exposing the truth of the series in Season 3...

Here's hoping. :)

Love and Huggles

Conan

Currently Reading: The Secret of Zir'An
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion, The Secret of Zir'An
Mood: Feeling pretty good!

Roleplaying thoughts

It all began with Gametime Livejournal.

I've written a lot in my time about roleplaying and ethics. The last few years have seen my writing take a downturn - much of this is due to my currently considering my position regarding the hobby.

See, I am not a big fan of The Forge and it's theorists. Gaming theory often comes across to me as populist and poorly structured. Ron Edwards may have been the grand-daddy of indie roleplaying and have some cool system ideas, but his philosophy is often a poorly built hodge-podge of popular philosophical terms that have then been poorly interepreted and slapped together with concepts that "sound" like they fit.

It is such theory, and the recent rise in the popularity of certain indie games that has got me thinking more about my stance. Where do I stand?

Personally I have an intuitive dislike of much roleplaying theory - particularly from the Forge. It rarely is well thought out, but I think it is more to do with the delivery. A lot of game theorists are too evangelical. They have a passion and a desire to see games as something more than just entertainment. They want to explore deeper and further.

Yet I often feel that it is a bunch of thirty-somethings trying to justify why they enjoy playing.

Very few of them actually do any research into what philosophers or sociologists or psychologists have said about gaming and its benefits. They instead choose to create their own terminology and rely heavily on anecdotal musings. It is poor structure.

Don't even get me started on the social contract bug-bear. (Nothing pisses me off more than hearing people talk about "the gaming contract.")

On the plus side, more games are introducing an actual gaming contract session at the beginning of gameplay - which works to mollify my innate fury at the term getting bandied around.

But I do have a serious aggression towards much of this musing. And I think it is because I genuinely don't believe it. I find it to be so much mental wankery. I've studied a lot of philosophers and musings on what those philosophers said, so I am intimately familiar with intellectual masturbation.

Take, for example, Nietzsche and Sartre. It is amazing how many people just haven't understood a thing these people said, and yet will spout absolute shite about "Will to Power" and "Existentialism."

So where's the problem? I clearly hate RPG theory.

But that's the thing. I don't. I do think that it is important to think about roleplaying. But one needs to be a bit more... honest to oneself about the goal. And also a little more realistic.

Gaming can be very insightful, but to treat it as some holy transformative experience is going too far. Also it is important to remember that just as you expect people to listen to you and be open to what you say you must accept that others will want the same in return, and will most likely disagree with good reason.

When I write about roleplaying, I often go to great lengths to stress that I am expressing my opinion. But sometimes it is easy to forget that and just get caught up in the excitement of an idea.

So where do I stand?

For me roleplaying is about having fun - first and foremost. Depending on my mood will depend on the kind of fun I want. I don't want to just tell kick-ass stories. I don't want to always have an intense gaming experience. MOST OF ALL I don't believe that any intense gaming is inherent in any game. This is the most vital thing to me.

Intense gaming comes from the synchronicity of good players and GM. It's something that can't be reproduced on demand. That is probably what lies at the core of my issue with many indie gamers - they are under the impression that the game is producing the effect, when it really is the play group themselves.

Yes, some games can better facilitate this - but it is the group who makes or breaks a game. Take Exalted for example. I personally think the system is utter shit. But I love the game because the setting inspires me to run games that my players love. What makes the games a success though are the players. Exalted would not be so cool without Fraser's Kichorei, or Stephanie's Hotaru or Salvaza. It is the players who make a game intense.

Games like Primetime Adventures will work for some groups and situations, but not all. I have seen PTA tank more often because it created an expectation. Much like the story of the movie being so hyped that it never lived up to its own promotional material, indie games often fall victim to the same thing. When that synchronicity isn't present due to factors such as tiredness, conflicting players or the numerous other factors - then a game will fail to spark. In the case of hyped games like PTA and Burning Empires, this failure to spark can make the game feel even worse than normal. Usually when a game isn't sparking I find it can still be revived. But in games like PTA, I have seen failure to spark result in rather hostile responses.

I have yet to have a fixed view of gaming. I like to keep my mind open, but I do know that I have biases. But ultimately, I feel that I am meeting more and more people who seem to have this need to justify why they play. They go on these quests to find some reason beyond "to have fun."

That, to me, is a fool's errand. I have no problem admitting that I just want to enjoy myself and have a good time with friends. If I have a truly intense experience in the process - great. Sure, I'd like to talk about why that is so, but I never want to lose sight of why I started playing in the first place. To have fun.

Love and Huggles

Conan

Currently Reading: The Secret of Zir'An
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion
Mood: Musing about gaming in general

Another day, another dollar

Morning everyone!

Well I'm feeling pretty good this morning, quite perky and happy.

Business is picking up. Not quite as fast as I would like, but fast enough for me to keep pace - which is better than having a huge inundation of orders. :)

Exalted last night was pretty fun, and today I'm feeling quite good. I'm hoping that the world is going to continue providing things to look forward to today. I might even ask cute internet cafe guy what his name is today. :D

I'm still buzzing from MEGAROLEPLAYING last weekend - it really helped to recharge my batteries and feel ready to take on things this week. If only there was MRP more often than once or twice a year! Maybe next month I might see if I can go spend a weekend up in Kapiti.

Either way, I'm just letting everyone know that I am really grateful for all the support and I'm hoping to keep on the upwards spiral now. :D

Love and Huggles

Conan

Currently Reading: The Secret of Zir'An
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion
Mood: Feeling pretty good

MEGAROLEPLAYING Weekend

Wow.

I am kind of drained, but feeling good about Mega-Roleplaying Weekend. A whole horde of us Wellingtonians congregated in Kapiti to wreck havoc on the Walker's and Cowens' households. It was fantastic!

I got to play The Princes' Kingdom, We Have the Technology, The Evil Overlord's Summer Camp, Promethean: The Created, Don't Rest Your Head and Primetime Adventures.

All the games we played were excellent fun. Princes' Kingdom is based on the Dogs in the Vineyard system, and manages to alter the system enough to create a genuinely challenging game that doesn't preach morality but rather sets up a moral challenge and leaves it up to the players and GM to discuss at the end of the game how the results turned out. Very cool. :)

We Have the Technology was Matt's entry into the Iron Game Chef competition - and was about androids in the far future helping cyberdolphins choose which emotions to give to Humanity 2.0. It is basically a systemless freeform game that verges on being a LARP. It was loads of fun, but we kept getting new players joining to the point that the game kind of hit critical mass and degenerated into chaos. We had to call an end to it when Fraser got hit in the eye! (It was an accident.)

Next up was the Evil Overlord's summer camp - which was hilarious and fun. We spent a while coming up with evil plans to succeed at our various camp activities - the Superbrain Monkey and Susan Spectacles were hilarious, as was Lord Von Doom. :)

After a BBQ dinner, where everyone got to hang out and yakker - Nick P looking particularly fetching in his poncho; and general discussion about the people using Luke's spa - I ran a game of Promethean.

Wow. It was pretty cool. Despite the pregen adventure being a little cheesy, we managed to get the game moving into an appropriate tone and had a lot of fun dealing with souless frakenstien monsters and Golems seeking to gain souls. Fraser was one of the stand-out characters for his creepy Timmy, Hix did a great job being a disturbing shaman type creature and Luke's couch potato Golem was suitably callous at times which was a great juxtaposition to everything going on. All in all, a very cool group to play with and the game managed to impress me enough that I am eager to run a Promethean campaign some time soon. :D

Don't Rest Your Head was next up, with Nasia and Hix playing. It was very cool. We played a short story about two insomniacs who suddenly find themselves on the run from strange nightmares, and ending up with them trapped in a mad city of dark symbolism. The system was simple but genuinely creepy.

So thanks to Luke, Sam, Matt and Debbie for hosting a very fun weekend - and I am looking forward to the MegaRoleplaying Weekend!

All cool!

Love and Huggles

Conan

Currently Reading: The Secret of Zir'An
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion
Mood: Pretty upbeat!

Desire, Need and Reality

Hmmmm. Today is one of those "what am I going to talk about" kind of days.

As I sit here I'm looking over the top of the computer in the cybercafe and noticing the cute guy working away at the counter. I'm not really sure what I'm thinking at the moment.

Initially I was thinking of talking about how we create our reality - how the universe is an odd mix of objective and subjective reality. How, in some ways, desire shapes our reality and in other ways reality shapes our desires.

The search for Free Will - an often contentious issue - is often blinded by that very Free Will. Scholars and thinkers like have often over analysed what Free Will actually is - constantly analysing it to the point of non-existence.

I have an interesting theory on Free Will. Not one that I necessarily prescribe to, but I find it one that is interesting to identify. What if Free Will is catching? What if it is like a psychic virus? A form of inspiration.

God was capable of giving Free Will to humanity (if one chooses to take a biblical viewpoint) and man is made as of God.

What this seems to imply is that God made man to be like God - which means humanity might be able to transfer Free Will, just as God did. It also means that God has Free Will - for you cannot give that which you don't have. The implications of this is that God *chooses* to be good.

Now before I go off onto a bizarro tangent about God and Free Will, let me get back to the main point I was discussing - that the Universe is shaped by our wills. To be more accurate, the universe is relatively neutral. I do believe that it tries to move towards harmony - which means it tries to ensure a utilitarian maximum happiness.

The rub is that Free Will means we can choose to NOT be happy. The Universe reacts to how we choose to perceive it. Maybe it is that if we seek to be unhappy, the universe ironically thinks this is the direction of maximum utility. Ever notice how people who expect things to never work out are always plagued with misfortune while people who expect things to work out and be good seem to get through.

This is Free Will at work. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

Now don't get me wrong, this is not some sort of mystical process - a lot of it is happening on a psychological level. I just find explaining it as an active process in the universe better communicates an idea that a lot of people have trouble understanding.

For many in humanity this process is called God.

The idealistic upshot of all this is that we make the world we live in. War, conflict and unhappiness? All to do with Humanity. Think about it. If you have held that the world is bad and people are necessarily selfish - when did that start. Something happened and you took that viewpoint - or you were told by someone else who you respected enough to agree with.

It's not easy to see the world in an optimistic light without being privileged and protected.

I still believe that most of us desire a better world for everyone. It's not a hard road, per se. The most difficult part is getting humanity to take responsibility for what it does to itself. Once the human race accepts that there is no need for human torment of other humans to get ahead in the universe - the sooner humanity will progress.

Love and Huggles

Conan

Currently Reading: The Secret of Zir'An
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion
Mood: In training for Megaroleplaying!

Up and Down - The Rollercoaster of Life

With the first anniversary of my arrival to Wellington, I am finding myself asking what have I achieved since I moved down here.

Without a doubt this has been a horrible, horrible year emotionally. I have been stressed almost constantly since I moved down here and haven't been able to equalise.

I have made a lot of friends, started up a business and managed to keep myself employed for the majority of the year - so it isn't all bad. :)

But yesterday I had a real down turn. The business has been very difficult to keep running. I'm realising that Dad was a bit unrealistic about the process involved and I needed to have more capital at the outset.

What this has meant is that I'm constantly playing catch-up with the business - not with the boardgames, but with roleplaying.

I order in stock and it just sits there. I know that if I had more exposure nation-wide it would be moving, as I order in conservative quantities. The problem is that I can't afford to set up things to really handle that. Advertising, Credit Card facilities - these all cost money I simply don't have and it appears most people don't like the more secure direct debit system.

Add to that the regular stress of having a small window of time each day to work on the site (due to not being able to access the net before 8am and after 10:30pm at home) it is becoming more frustrating now.

Then there is, of course, the problem with dealing with an Auckland based printer who seems to have no idea how vital it is for me to have product delivered on time.

*sigh*

The thing is that I keep coming back to the same theme as always - I still feel like I'm completely alone in this. I know people have offered to help - but what can I get them to do?

I can't keep asking to borrow money - that's going to kill the business, not save it. I can't afford to be in more debt - I already owe enough with this business and I will probably be unable to pay that back anytime soon.

It all feels out of control. And it feels that I'm not being taken seriously.

I am alone. I have always been alone. I wish I could find someone. I wish I didn't feel like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Whatever happened to the happy-go-lucky me?

He's in there - just having a hard time relaxing.

On the bright side, I have set up a new deal on the site and hopefully that will generate more business.

I just wish I could figure out how to afford advertising at the moment. If every person on NZRAG were to order one product a month, I would be fine. But most of them don't actually buy games, it seems. Or are interested in things other than what I can currently get in. Sure, I'd stock Indie games - but they are hideously expensive to import and, to be blunt, the Indie craze is dying down. It has about six months left before it goes back to its normal sales levels.

In the meantime, there are a number of readily available third-party and mainstream games that people are ignoring.

I would get in more titles - but the current ones (which the market states are the better investments for sales) are not moving. If people aren't buying roleplaying stock from me now, why should I be investing any further in less reliable titles?

I am tired of hearing "oh, I'll probably get that later." Or worse, I have had "I'll order that from you" and then later when I've either got the product in or I'm about to order it I was then told "oh I'm going to shop/site X because I also ordered from them at the same time and I feel obliged/want to support them."

That makes me feel that I'm not considered a serious venture. If I was getting regular sales, it would be fine. But it is still too sporadic.

If it keeps up, I'm going to have to raise prices and pray that I still make enough sales - or close up shop.

I'm already considering charging shipping now - if more people were ordering it could pay for itself. But nobody wants to order, it seems.

Right now, I really want to swear my head off.

So what to do. What to do.

I'm going to try and calm down. A lot of the problems lie in how badly I've handled the business accounts wise - I'm sure. I'm trying to get on top of it. I'm trying to get on top of life, really.

Conan

Currently Reading: Nothing
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion
Mood: Just not that flash at the moment.