I was cranky, frustrated, tired, hopeful, loving, worried, excited and overwhelmed today.
Often all at once. And at any given time I was more than capable of explaining why I was feeling that way in considerably long and expressive terms.
If there is one thing above all others that I should thank my mother for - and there are a few - it was that she has taught me a lot about the language of emotion. Not just the words, but their meanings and how the can mix together in ways that some find confusing.
The most important part was learning to be honest to myself about my feelings. If I felt ashamed, I needed to be honest to myself about it. If I felt anger, I needed to face that anger and admit to it.
Someone once told me that one of the key reasons I found a lot of people hard to understand was because they didn't have that lexicon of emotions. It appears that when most people "feel" things, they don't understand how to recognise or communicate those feelings.
I was telling Brad today about how I tend to be a bit of a straight shooter when it comes to decisions - 9/10 times, I know what decision I've made and I know exactly why. Sometimes I will play dumb to try and get others to come to decisions because I know that if I make the decision, I have to own it. I have to take the responsibility - and I at least want to know what they desire.
I know what I want. When I like someone, there is no real fucking around. I like them. I know it. I rarely go through the "do I? Don't I?"
And I can tell you why I feel how I feel.
It seems that is somewhat overwhelming. I'm a passionate kind of guy. Let's look at today...
I was grumpy/cranky because I subconsciously wanted to be working on the third episode script, but it isn't turning out the way that I would like so I've been mulling over it and it was annoying me. I was also cranky because I'm very cross about the events in Myanmar. That's right, cross. It pisses me off when I hear about human rights abuses, and I might not show it, but a part of my psyche is busy being furious. I was commiserating over the All Blacks - believe it or not - and also angry that people were not accepting that it was just a game, and yes the referee was an ass but get on with life people.
I was tired because I've been stressing about getting my place cleaned up (my room is still a bombsite, if anyone can help me get rid of two couches, I would GREATLY appreciate the help. Dad helped me out and I had intended to get a bin, but I ended up using those resources to balance out my cash flow so that I wouldn't get in a financial stress situation so soon again...) and I have also been feeling down from a lack of a partner and the realisation that I am getting older, need to go to the gym and want to get married. That's right. I would like to get married someday - and you kind of need to date someone, spend time with them and get to know them before marriage is an option. So I was tired.
I was hopeful because I have written two scripts so far, and number three is a matter of time - thus virtually inevitable. I have big dreams for this series, and I believe some of those dreams can even become a reality...
I was loving because I always feel love for people. Am I in love at the moment? Not new love. As was once said, you never really fall out of love - you learn to deal with it and find new love instead. I've been feeling angry/happy/loving/disappointed recently.
So my point is - I know my feelings and where they stem from. I can talk for a long time about my feelings because I am full of feeling. That intimidates people, it seems.
But this isn't really just about me - coming back to that lexicon thing... it would seem most people - especially males - don't really know how to express or identify what they feel. It is love? Is it anger? Is it fear?
We know the words, but a lot of people don't really know that it is rarely just one emotion. The thing is, how do you understand those emotions? They are dictated by the subconscious - the decision maker and primal processor of our brains. Our feelings can almost feel alien in our own minds as we experience the conflicts of interest that may generate multiple emotions.
Not only that, but because the subconscious makes the decision elements - and we live in a society that tells us to NOT listen to our subconcious - we don't always know WHY we feel certain things.
Before I go on, for those people who would dispute that the subconscious makes our decisions, there is increasing scientific evidence that our unconscious/subconscious mind is key to the decision making process - that it is the subconscious that makes the final choice, our cognitive functions being a form of processing that information to help with the decision making.
I'm not saying to throw everything to the wind and follow your intuition - but rather that it is VITAL to be able to have an honest discourse within yourself between subconscious and conscious. Your subconscious mind shouldn't be treated like some unknowable caged animal. It is a part of your identity. It is still your mind, just the processing part of it.
The subconscious is not something that acts in a sophisticated way - it can, in some ways, be ruthlessly logical but in a way that seems irrational. That is because the subconscious gathers all manner of variables your conscious mind misses. Then it registers your emotional associations and decides from there.
Or something to that effect. :D I still need to research it more. The upshot is that while the subconscious is capable of misinformation (due to receiving false information) it cannot lie. It is honest - sometimes brutally so.
Most importantly, the subconscious tends to communicate through emotion. By having an open understanding of that language - you learn more about yourself and what drives you. Learn those emotions and why you feel them.
Love and Huggles
Conan
Currently Reading: Nothing at the moment.
Currently Playing: Nothing at the moment.
Mood Just thinking about things...
Often all at once. And at any given time I was more than capable of explaining why I was feeling that way in considerably long and expressive terms.
If there is one thing above all others that I should thank my mother for - and there are a few - it was that she has taught me a lot about the language of emotion. Not just the words, but their meanings and how the can mix together in ways that some find confusing.
The most important part was learning to be honest to myself about my feelings. If I felt ashamed, I needed to be honest to myself about it. If I felt anger, I needed to face that anger and admit to it.
Someone once told me that one of the key reasons I found a lot of people hard to understand was because they didn't have that lexicon of emotions. It appears that when most people "feel" things, they don't understand how to recognise or communicate those feelings.
I was telling Brad today about how I tend to be a bit of a straight shooter when it comes to decisions - 9/10 times, I know what decision I've made and I know exactly why. Sometimes I will play dumb to try and get others to come to decisions because I know that if I make the decision, I have to own it. I have to take the responsibility - and I at least want to know what they desire.
I know what I want. When I like someone, there is no real fucking around. I like them. I know it. I rarely go through the "do I? Don't I?"
And I can tell you why I feel how I feel.
It seems that is somewhat overwhelming. I'm a passionate kind of guy. Let's look at today...
I was grumpy/cranky because I subconsciously wanted to be working on the third episode script, but it isn't turning out the way that I would like so I've been mulling over it and it was annoying me. I was also cranky because I'm very cross about the events in Myanmar. That's right, cross. It pisses me off when I hear about human rights abuses, and I might not show it, but a part of my psyche is busy being furious. I was commiserating over the All Blacks - believe it or not - and also angry that people were not accepting that it was just a game, and yes the referee was an ass but get on with life people.
I was tired because I've been stressing about getting my place cleaned up (my room is still a bombsite, if anyone can help me get rid of two couches, I would GREATLY appreciate the help. Dad helped me out and I had intended to get a bin, but I ended up using those resources to balance out my cash flow so that I wouldn't get in a financial stress situation so soon again...) and I have also been feeling down from a lack of a partner and the realisation that I am getting older, need to go to the gym and want to get married. That's right. I would like to get married someday - and you kind of need to date someone, spend time with them and get to know them before marriage is an option. So I was tired.
I was hopeful because I have written two scripts so far, and number three is a matter of time - thus virtually inevitable. I have big dreams for this series, and I believe some of those dreams can even become a reality...
I was loving because I always feel love for people. Am I in love at the moment? Not new love. As was once said, you never really fall out of love - you learn to deal with it and find new love instead. I've been feeling angry/happy/loving/disappointed recently.
So my point is - I know my feelings and where they stem from. I can talk for a long time about my feelings because I am full of feeling. That intimidates people, it seems.
But this isn't really just about me - coming back to that lexicon thing... it would seem most people - especially males - don't really know how to express or identify what they feel. It is love? Is it anger? Is it fear?
We know the words, but a lot of people don't really know that it is rarely just one emotion. The thing is, how do you understand those emotions? They are dictated by the subconscious - the decision maker and primal processor of our brains. Our feelings can almost feel alien in our own minds as we experience the conflicts of interest that may generate multiple emotions.
Not only that, but because the subconscious makes the decision elements - and we live in a society that tells us to NOT listen to our subconcious - we don't always know WHY we feel certain things.
Before I go on, for those people who would dispute that the subconscious makes our decisions, there is increasing scientific evidence that our unconscious/subconscious mind is key to the decision making process - that it is the subconscious that makes the final choice, our cognitive functions being a form of processing that information to help with the decision making.
I'm not saying to throw everything to the wind and follow your intuition - but rather that it is VITAL to be able to have an honest discourse within yourself between subconscious and conscious. Your subconscious mind shouldn't be treated like some unknowable caged animal. It is a part of your identity. It is still your mind, just the processing part of it.
The subconscious is not something that acts in a sophisticated way - it can, in some ways, be ruthlessly logical but in a way that seems irrational. That is because the subconscious gathers all manner of variables your conscious mind misses. Then it registers your emotional associations and decides from there.
Or something to that effect. :D I still need to research it more. The upshot is that while the subconscious is capable of misinformation (due to receiving false information) it cannot lie. It is honest - sometimes brutally so.
Most importantly, the subconscious tends to communicate through emotion. By having an open understanding of that language - you learn more about yourself and what drives you. Learn those emotions and why you feel them.
Love and Huggles
Conan
Currently Reading: Nothing at the moment.
Currently Playing: Nothing at the moment.
Mood Just thinking about things...
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