What is Wisdom?

My shoulder pain has upgraded itself to a neck pain. Yesterday was a GOD-AWFUL day at work. It got so stressful that my shoulder pain flared up again. It just hasn't come right yet. :(

So I've been stewing over a few things recently because I'm still feeling down about things. I've been wondering if I can ever hope to meet someone who I can be open with fully and share with.

There is just so much going on and I know I probably should be asking for help - but I don't know what I need help with. Work? My Business? Relationships?

This is why I'm feeling isolated. I close off parts of my life because I feel that I should be able to handle them. I want to share them with someone, but not just anyone. So where does that leave me?

Last night Emile, jokingly, said "Conan, you know everything" - in response to something we were talking about, I barely remember it.

Do I really come across that way?

I know a lot of things, but what I don't know is even more than that. What I *do* know is how to approach lack of knowledge.

I am a problem solver. But I seem to have trouble with my own problems because emotions get in the way.

Right now, I am frustrated because I really don't know how I'm going to be able to keep this all up on my own. I'm doing too much work, I don't know what I want for the future other than to be happy.

I want to feel attractive again. I want to feel that someone *wants* to spend time with me. I know I have friends who do that, but I'm wanting something else.

Not sex, but genuine loving intimacy. Not friendly hugs to make me feel good - but genuine affection. I'm scared when it comes to telling someone that I like them. Because every time I have done so, it has ended up hurting me.

What is the wise thing to do? Take a leap? Protect myself?

Not that there is really anyone that I can seriously ask out at the moment. The guys I know are either straight or in relationships already or both. Kind of leaves me with a serious drought to deal with.

I need help moving on with this. I need help getting my business actually making money.

I'm feeling that I am just moving further and further away from myself.

Conan

Currently Reading: Promethean: The Created
Currently Playing: Exalted: The Seventh Legion
Mood: Stressed and exhausted - not at all Wise and knowledgable.