Right, so I'm watching High School Musical and suddenly I find myself thinking - why does Troy like Gabriella?
Furthermore, because it is a Disney Channel movie, they aren't allowed to kiss or do anything that actually could be construed as supporting a sexual relationship - seriously, watch the movie. It's a love story where they never kiss! Except for a rather chaste peck on the cheek.
So, I find myself wondering, why are they at all into each other?
Not solely in a movie, but just think about being a teenager - why did you want to be in a relationship with the opposite sex? (Or same sex, for that matter.)
Love.
Movies, Poets and media tells us that it is this strange and mystical thing that we don't really understand. Science implies, and some scientists out right declare, that it is a form of genetic survival. We gain attraction to the people our bodies deem genetically compatible with our own genes to ensure continued existence of our codes.
Yet we also have spiritual sensations and experiences - which seem to have contradicting genetic explanations.
That has me a little concerned. Because if love is just a chemical delusion created to ensure sexual procreation; and if that leads on to the theory that homosexuality is a form of genetic population control when a species is beginning to overpopulate... what does that mean to us emotionally?
Or spiritually?
I'm a person of feelings - I find that all that conflicts with my emotional experiences.
See, I am always feeling. All the time. I assume that everyone else is too. I feel this sense of it almost broadcasting out of me though, and picking up... sensations. It's hard to explain.
I'm not claiming a sudden psychic power or anything - but rather a sense of empathy. I guess.
Intuition, empathy - these words have a lot of meaning to me, and I'm wondering how love fits into all that.
You see, I could fall in love with a man who I maybe made out with but never had sex. Seriously. I don't get attracted to guys because of sexual reasons. I like sex, don't get me wrong, but I don't really need it.
What I am looking for is a form of spiritual connection and fulfillment. Maybe that is why things have been so hard for me - I'm thinking of love as a form of experience and adventure. A sense of connection and perception.
It's hard to really place in words at the moment. I'm worrying about not finding someone because I'm not really wanting to find someone for sex.
Not that I'm actually meeting anyone at the moment anyway.
What is the universe playing at? What happens if it is all s myth? What would that mean?
Should I just get over it?
I don't feel comfortable with the idea that the world is so purely corporeal. That it is all genetic imperatives and chemicals.
It's not because I'm scared of ceasing to exist - that seems a bit pointless because I would not need to worry once I stopped existing.
No, it's because it feels... inefficient and inaccurate.
Like I said - intuitive.
I'm not really explaining what I'm thinking about very clearly.
It seems to me that we get attracted to people long before our bodies or minds are up for the sexual side of things. So why do we have attraction?
Why do people who have no way of genetically combining also get this feeling? It does not seem to me to be a chemical flaw - it's far to prevalent to be an anomaly.
Which, I guess, brings me to spirituality. I'm not really religious, but I am a spiritual person. I have some very strong, and potentially controversial, views of how our universe operates. Maybe I just want to life to be more like a hollywood interpretation of love.
But is that such a bad thing. People claim that real life isn't like that - but real life is simply how we, as humans, choose to live. The problem is that some humans refuse to allow life to be anything other - because they don't feel that it can be anything else.
However, if we are capable of envisioning another life, then it is possible.
I have friends who are inspiring in their relationships. They might not be living the hollywood love life, but they show that love is not just about something as carnal as reproduction - but rather a complex experience that has its ups and downs.
Wow. I'm kind of lost now. High School Musical is still playing on the monitor next to me too. :D
Zac Effron makes me wish I was 17 right now. LOL. So what does that say about me?
Maybe I am overthinking things. But I'm curious - what is the point of existence? Because it seems to me that humanity has forgotten that question. We're all wrapped up with this system for the benefit of society - but for what reason? What is society trying to improve itself for?
Humanist psychology explored this in the sixties and early seventies. It was proposed in those days that when a society loses sight of why it was created in the first place (to help all the members of the society reach self-actualisation) then those societies begin to collapse in on themselves. The signs of a failing social system that has lost its way are things like increased societal violence, increased depression, abuse, increases of the base levels of human nature as the members of that society struggle to find their way without the guiding goal.
Sound familiar?
It seems to me that we no longer really ask why we are here. We live in a system that was required to help get us from the industrial age (which was a required social structure to help lead to the current social structure) but now humanity, as a whole, doesn't seem interested in moving further socially.
I imagine that a society of self-actualised individuals would be closer to how I perceive things like love existing for. It's like a beacon to help us along that path.
Maybe that is humanity's ultimate purpose - to become self-actualised.
It was a theory that lost favour in psychology - ironically as psychology became more focused on being seen as a science, and more interested in understanding the mechanics of the psyche rather than why we have a psyche.
Which is not to say that we should abandon the modern world altogether - but rather that we should remember why we have this society - and continue to work to improve it for everyone.
That is the purpose of poets, writers and artists - to remind us and challenge us. It is our job as individuals to look into everything around us to find the lessons that the universe is teaching us about becoming self-actualised.
I strongly believe this. And I also believe that the human race is failing, but we're not irredeemable. This sounds harsh, but it isn't enough to say "some people don't care to be self-actualised."
This is simply not true. What actually is the case is the some people are simply not in a position to be able to think about that because there are those people who have lost sight of why society exists, and so simply abuse it to get personal gain - ironically thus denying themselves the benefits of self-actualisation.
So what is a self-actualised person?
Watch the first Legally Blonde Movie. No, seriously. Reese Witherspoon's character in that movie is self-actualised. Not all self-actualised people are blonde and ditzy - but they have the nature she has. They are never "defeated." They succeed because they know that they will eventually succeed. They inspire others to succeed. They win through love and compassion. When they get down or depressed, they bounce back by nature.
It is debatable whether anyone has actually succeeded to be self-actualised in human history - but considering that a self-actualised person is not perfect, they are human after all. But they are able to recover.
Amazing what watching a commercial money making show can inspire. :D
I am thinking a lot about love these days. I worry that I will always be alone.
I'm outgoing in some cases, but I freeze up when it comes to people I like. I am clumsy again because I fear about all the potential directions that things could end up going.
But most of all, I feel the need to hold someone, kiss them and be there for them. Sometimes words fail me. Somewhere in the depths of the projects I've worked on and I'm working on, there are hints of what is within my mind. My heart.
I'm tired now, and the singing has started again on the television. :) I find it hard to feel that this issue is being taken seriously enough. That my feelings on this are taken seriously enough.
Like I said - I have trouble explaining it in a way that doesn't either end up confusing or crazy.
Night all!
Love and Huggles
Conan
Currently Reading: REIGN
Currently Playing: REIGN; WFRP
Mood: Perplexed and Thoughtful