So Merry Christmas to everyone, I hope you all had a good christmas.
Mine was, to say the least, interesting. I travelled up to Auckland, hung out with Mum and my brother and had a pretty good time.
I also got to catch up with a number of friends from Auckland, which was a blast. They were all doing well, and I got a lot of help with my plans for the future.
Bought HEAPS of stuff - including the complete series of American Gothic (Review on that later on this week) - and it was great to be up there for a while. I also was convinced as to why I love Wellington. Auckland is a crazy, humid place and there just felt like something was lacking.
So I had my "I heart Wellington" badge on my sleeve pretty much. :)
I also had some upsetting news. Nothing world shattering, and some people know what I'm talking about.
It seems that the main reason Alex hasn't responded to the occassional text from me is because he has taken it upon himself that it best serves my interests to cut all contact. Without giving me any heads up.
That hurt. A lot.
What hurt more was that some people knew, and also knew that I was concerned as to why I wasn't hearing back from him - and chose to not only with-hold the information, but outright lie to me and say that they didn't know what was going on.
That hurt even more.
It also showed how much those people don't know me.
So I'm respecting Alex's failure to close the book on this sorry saga - leaving doesn't end it, that's what I learnt when he came down here.
I love Alex. That is never going to change. I'm trying to move on, but when shit like this happens - it makes it harder, not easier. If he had simply had the balls to call me and say something, finish it properly - then we could have moved on. He has always tried to hedge his bets.
Maybe one day we will bump into each other and be able to just be friends. I hope that will be the case.
But for now, it is the lack of honesty and the failure to communicate or respect my ability to handle things that upsets me most.
I deserve better treatment than that.
So with the New Year approaching, I have some resolutions:
1. Get a Novel written by the end of 2007.
2. See Evin Shir Games grow.
3. Further my career path.
4. Fall in love with someone who understands who I am and respects me.
I have so many bright things to look forward to in the New Year - I'm turning my eyes to those and I'm going to be trying to put all this stupid pain behind me.
I am a better person than Alex gives me credit for. It is clear to me now that he never knew me. Nor did any of his friends.
I am so much more than these people realise. That is something I learnt with my friends up in Auckland these holidays and with my friends down here over the last year.
So take care and here is to a very Happy New Year.
Love and Huggles
Conan
Currently Reading: China Mieville's Looking for Jake
Currently Playing: Exalted: Nexus of the Sun
Mood:Contemplative
(Thoughtful Menchi)
